


What a Play

by LordValeryMimes



Series: An Officer and a Technician [4]
Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 02:40:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9696119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordValeryMimes/pseuds/LordValeryMimes
Summary: While Lister and Todhunter watch a zero-gee game together, Todhunter reminisces about his university days. When Lister learns what Todhunter got up to when he was a young footballer, he's surprised and very much intrigued.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again to [janamelie](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Janamelie/pseuds/Janamelie), a lovely friend, a great instigator of inspiration, and my dedicated beta.
> 
> Happy early Valentine's Day everyone!
> 
> Thanks to Rob Grant and Doug Naylor for creating these characters so I could make them get up to all sorts of smeg.

“Oh yes, yes! Go harder! Yeah!” Lister gasped as he bit down on his lip in anticipation.

“Oh yes!” Todhunter shouted. “This is it, baby! Here it comes!”

“Faster! Yeah! Faster, faster!”

“Yes! Keep going! Go! Go!”

Lister’s breath grew ragged as he panted. “Don’t stop now! Oh yeah! Yeah!”

“Just a bit more… just a bit more… come on!”

“C’mon babe! Don’t let me down!”

“It’s happening! Oh god, yes!” Todhunter shrieked into Lister’s ear.

“ _Yes!_  Get it! Get iiiiit!”

Both men shot to their feet, their fists pummeling the air as they screamed in unison. _“It's good!!”_

“Holy smeg!” Lister cried out as he danced a happy jig. “They’ve pulled ahead! I can’t believe they’ve pulled ahead!”

“No celebrating yet, Dave.” Todhunter said as he fell back into the couch cushions. “We’ve still got half the game left to go. There’s still a chance for Jupiter to gain some leverage.”

“None of that! You’ll jinx us!” Lister shook his head warily at Todhunter as he sat down and reached for his can of Leopard lager.

“You don’t really believe in all that superstitious smeg, do you?” The corner of Todhunter’s lips tipped up as he took a swallow from a bottle of Hyperoni.

“Superstitious? Me?” Lister looked down at his London Jets jersey which he was wearing over his London Jets t-shirt, and Todhunter’s prized football emblazoned with Jim Bexley-Speed’s signature. He pulled the football into a death grip under his right arm. “What makes you say that?” Lister turned back to the vid-screen as he pretended to listen to the color commentary.

“No reason,” Todhunter winked as he settled back on the sofa, pressing himself into Lister’s shoulder.

“What a play though, eh? I haven’t seen a game like this since they went up against Ganymede in the play-offs back when I was a kid.”

“Oh yes, I remember that one. I was just starting out at university then. I remember watching it with all of the other lads on the team.” Lister smiled as Todhunter got a wistful look in his eyes.

“You miss it, don’t you? Playing zero-gee?”

“Oh yes, certainly. When I was a boy I never even made the teams. Once I got a bit older and actually started playing well I thought, ‘This is it! I’m going to make the big time!’ Unfortunately my shoulder had other ideas.” Todhunter rotated his shoulder, and Lister pressed his hand against it, feeling the familiar flutters of popping ligaments under his fingers.

“Poor Toddy,” Lister clucked his tongue in mock sympathy as he grinned up at the officer. “Think of everything that just slipped out of your fingers: fame, fortune. Instead you’re stuck here watching telly with me.”

Todhunter laughed as he rubbed his hand over Lister’s fingers. “I feel rather fortunate for that, actually.” He leaned forward and gave Lister an affectionate peck. “In all seriousness though, the chances that I would have actually made it big are incredibly slim. I was pretty good, but I wasn’t THAT good. Still, I do miss the fun of it sometimes. Watching the game is one thing, but playing it’s a whole other story. Being a part of a team, having a big group of mates around. We had some…” The tiniest hint of a smile tickled at the corner of Todhunter’s lips. “Good times.”

“Oh yeah?” Lister rested his elbow on the back of the couch, and cradled his head in his hand as he gazed at Todhunter. “What sort of good times are we talkin’ about here?”

“Oh well, you know.” Todhunter attempted to look innocent as he took another swig from his bottle. “The usual things a group of young, red-blooded males get up to when they spend the whole day tackling one another to the ground and rutting about.”

“Get outta town,” Lister playfully shoved at Todhunter as he scoffed. “Wha’? Some mutual wanks in the locker room after practice, maybe?”

“Oh, plenty of that sort of thing.” Todhunter waved his hand as if Lister had just mentioned something as mundane as filling your car up with petrol. “I was thinking more about how we used to play strip zero-gee. Now _those_  were good times.”

“Strip zero-gee!?” Lister’s eyebrows shot to the top of his forehead as he digested this information. “You’re kiddin’?”

“What? You think I never had any fun when I was a young rapscallion?”

“Well, you are a mature, upstanding, officer type. I never imagined you getting up to much trouble when you were a lad. So go on then.” Lister said as he grinned wickedly. “I want to hear all about strip zero-gee. Spill it, Toddy.”

“Oh it’s not all that interesting,” Todhunter said as he flashed his crooked smile at Lister. “We’d all get a little bit drunk, head down to the arena after hours, make a few plays, and whoever got tackled or dropped the ball had to drop something else.”

Lister squirmed as his cock gave a sudden hard pulse in his trousers. “Yeah? Then what?”

Todhunter leaned in closer to Lister as he continued. “We’d keep going until one of us was completely naked. Whoever got their kit off first was the loser.”

“And what happened to the loser?” Lister’s mouth was agape in anticipation.

“The loser? I don’t think you’d really be interested.” Todhunter sat back in his seat, and took a long pull on his beer.

“Frank!” Lister got up on his knees on the couch and grabbed Todhunter by the collar of his shirt.

“What? You mean you’re really interested in what I got up to with a bunch of sweaty, athletic, half-naked blokes?” Todhunter attempted to stifle his laughter as Lister pretended to strangle him.

“You’re damn right I am! Now spill it!”

“Well..." Todhunter took another long sip from his bottle, his eyes twinkling at Lister’s growing impatience.

“You’re killin’ me here, Frank.”

“Am I really? How delightful. Did you know I think you might look even more gorgeous when you’re irritated at me.”

“And you look like a man who wants to be smothered to death!” Lister grabbed a throw pillow and held it threateningly over Todhunter’s head. “Spill!”

“All right, all right!” Todhunter laughed as he fended off the marauding cushion. “The loser had to suck everybody off first, and then everyone else could do whatever they wanted with him.”

Lister’s eyes widened along with the blood vessels in his cock. “Holy smeg, Frank. You’re tellin’ me you used to have regular gang-bangs?” He squirmed in his seat as hot blood rushed to his prick like a monsoon.

“Well it wasn’t really a gang bang, it wasn’t the whole team mind you. Just me and a couple of other blokes who fancied that sort of thing. We had a lot of fun together: me, John, and Thomas.”

“Well now I know you’ve got to be taking the smeg. You did _not_  used to have threesomes in the zero-gee arena with John and Thomas.” Lister picked up the football and began squeezing it absentmindedly in time with his heartbeat as his cock grew harder still.

“I swear on my life!” Todhunter laughed as he held up his hand. “John Richards and Tom Gallo. We were actually roommates the semester before I hurt my shoulder.”  

Lister barely noticed as the half-time show began to play on the vid-screen. “Holy smeg, man. So, who usually was the loser when the three of you got up to this sort of thing?”

Todhunter’s eyes sparkled as he leaned his head back and smirked at Lister. “Oddly enough, my reflexes always did seem to slow down a bit on those days. I never seemed to be able to keep my hands on the ball.”

Lister suddenly realized his mouth was hanging open like a puppet without a hand, and he quickly snapped it closed. “Smeg, man. And here I thought you were this goody two-shoes, prefect type.” Lister slid closer to Todhunter and began to purr in his ear. “Turns out you were just a dirty, horny, cock-hungry little bastard. Weren’t you?” The horribly guttural warble of Johnny Cologne suddenly assaulted Lister’s ears as the half-time show began. It was his latest hit, "I Wanna Taste Your Face", and Lister winced as he hit the mute button on the remote.

“Let’s just say I usually had a hard time sitting for the next couple of days after one of our little games.” Todhunter moved in to kiss Lister but he pulled away with a grin, stood up and began tossing the football from hand to hand.

“How about you and I play right now?”

Todhunter looked gleeful as a smile spread across his face. “All right, Dave.” He stood up from the couch, smoothing out his jeans and t-shirt as he walked a few yards away from Lister.

“I’ll throw the ball to you. If you miss, you know what happens.” Lister lifted an eyebrow as he cocked the ball over his shoulder.

“I think I have the general idea.” Todhunter smirked as he widened his stance, and put his hands up to catch the ball.

Lister tossed the ball, it spiraled across the room and Todhunter caught it easily. He glanced across at Lister before pointedly opening his hands and dropping the ball. “Oh dear,” he said in mock despair. “How silly of me, I appear to have fumbled.”

“Too bad, Toddy,” Lister shrugged, his voice dripping with exaggerated disappointment. “Well, you know what that means.”

Todhunter reached behind him, and pulled his t-shirt up and over his head in one quick motion. He tossed it onto the couch and ran a hand through his messy curls. Lister’s pupils widened as his gaze slid across the officer’s smooth chest and broad shoulders. Todhunter scooped the ball up off of the floor, and tossed it back to Lister who caught it easily.

Lister licked his lips as he cocked the football back and tossed it again. Todhunter put out his hands as the ball sped towards him. He made a half-hearted attempt to grab at the ball several seconds before it had already fallen to the floor like a stone. He looked down at the ball, and then up at Lister. “Whoops. Just call me Mr. Butterfingers.” He reached down to undo his belt buckle.

“Y’know, if I didn’t know better, Frank, I’d say you were trying to throw this game.” Lister struggled to keep a straight face as Todhunter undid his fly and slowly lowered his jeans.

“Why whatever gives you that idea, Dave?” Todhunter smirked and a flash of hefty red and white bulge came into view as his jeans slipped past his thighs.

“London Jets underpants?” Lister laughed as Todhunter tossed the jeans aside. “And you called _me_  superstitious?”

“These were merely for your enjoyment.” Todhunter threw the ball back and Lister felt his head swim as he looked at the officer; clad only in a tiny pair of y-fronts that looked as if they were about to burst open. Lister chewed on his lip as he tossed the ball towards Todhunter again. It was an easy pass, but Todhunter pointedly crossed his arms over his chest, and let the ball thud against his forearms before it fell to the floor. “Oh bother. Did I miss again?”

“You’re a disappointment to the sport, Frank.” Lister fidgeted as he watched Todhunter hook his thumbs into the waistband of his underpants and ease them down.

“I know, I ought to be ashamed of myself,” The officer grimaced as the edge of his erection pulled against the elastic before springing free. He tugged them off completely and twirled them around his finger before tossing them over his shoulder. “I think that you’d better teach me a lesson, David.”

Lister’s voice deepened into a primitive growl as his eyes drank in the officer. “Get over here, Frank.” Once he was within grasping reach, Lister stood on tiptoe and grabbed Todhunter behind the head, pulling him into a kiss. Todhunter moaned as he pressed his body against Lister’s, kissing him back and slipping his hands underneath Lister’s t-shirt. Lister shuddered as he felt Todhunter’s fingers sliding against his skin and kissed the officer harder. He nibbled at Todhunter’s lips as he threaded his fingers through his dark curls. “God, you drive me out of my smegging mind, Frank.” Lister gasped as he slowly dropped to his knees, letting his tongue blaze a slick trail down Todhunter’s chest and stomach.

“Wait a minute,” Todhunter inhaled sharply as Lister grabbed onto his cock and pumped it firmly. “I lost, you’re… oh god, Dave. You’re… breaking the rules.”

“Smeg the damn rules.” Lister licked his lips as he watched several beads of precum grow fat on the tip of Todhunter’s cock before spilling down the sides. “I’m gonna lose the plot if I don’t taste you right now.” He swallowed Todhunter down before the officer could continue his protests and moaned happily as his mouth was filled to the brim with hot flesh.

Todhunter wobbled unsteadily as Lister feasted on him. He cradled Lister’s head in his hands and gazed down in rapture at the full lips slipping up and down on his cock. “Oh god, Dave. Oh… god you’re incredible.” Lister had spent months learning the nuances of what Todhunter liked, and it only took a few minutes of careful sucks, licks and squeezes to get the officer to the point where his thighs were shaking as he bit back screams of ecstasy. “Oh _god,_ Dave… I’m… I’m…”

“Not yet you aren’t,” Lister gave Todhunter’s cock one last lick as he got to his feet. “My turn now, Frank.” Lister winced as he slipped out of his trousers and pulled his sticky cock from his boxers.

“Oh, you little bastard,” Todhunter groaned as he fell to his knees and kneaded Lister’s round backside in his hands before sucking the head of his prick into his mouth.

“Hey, you were the one complaining that I wasn’t following the rules,” Lister gasped as Todhunter pressed forward, sucking him in as deeply as he could. “Oh smegging hell.”

Todhunter had also spent a considerable amount of time getting acquainted with Lister’s body, but he still found himself struck with disbelief whenever he wrestled with the veritable monster that lurked in Lister’s trousers. He wrapped a hand around Lister’s balls, massaging them gently as he swirled his tongue around the head of his cock.

“Oh, Frank. Oh smeg… that feels so smegging good.” Lister gazed down at Todhunter as he buried his fingers in the officer’s thick dark waves. Lister groaned with pleasure as he pumped his hips in time with Todhunter’s sucks. “You’ve gotta stop,” he gasped as he pulled Todhunter’s head away from him. “C’mon, get up.”

Lister stripped off his t-shirt and jersey as Todhunter rose to his feet. He gazed up into the officer’s piercing blue eyes, pulled his head down and kissed him savagely. Both men groaned against one another’s lips as their slippery erections ground into one another. Lister pulled away first, his chest heaving as he rutted his hips into Todhunter’s skin. “I want you, Frank.”

“I’m all yours,” Todhunter murmured as he leaned down to nibble at the soft skin at the nape of Lister’s neck. Lister slid behind Todhunter, grabbed him firmly by the hips and bent him forward over the officer’s desk. The forgotten game flickered on the screen overhead, bathing Todhunter’s skin in a cool blue glow.

Todhunter moaned with anticipation as Lister positioned himself behind him, and rummaged around in the desk for a bottle of lube. “Second drawer, it’s in the second drawer,” he hissed.

“Gettin’ impatient are ya?” Lister asked as his hand finally gripped onto a bottle.

“God, yes.” Todhunter let out a sudden shout as Lister gave his backside a hard slap. “Oh _god,_ yes.”

“You’ve got to learn to be more patient, Toddy.” Lister smacked his palm into Todhunter’s rear again and the officer arched his back with a grunt as he clung to the desk with white knuckles.

“Oh god, yes!” Todhunter’s body became a taut cord of ecstasy as Lister continued to rain down a steady stream of spanks.

“Such a naughty First Officer.”

_SMACK!_

“Making me so smegging horny.”

_SMACK!_

“Talkin’ about strip zero-gee and gang bangs.”

_SMACK!_

“Oh god, Dave!” Todhunter yelled in between spanks. “Please! Please, I need you!”

“Yeah? You need me, Frank?” Lister ran his fingers over Todhunter’s hot, pink bottom with one hand as he flicked open the cap of the lube with the other.

“God, yes. Please. _Please_.”

Lister drizzled lube over his hand and slathered every inch of his cock until it was glistening. He took his slick fingers and rubbed them teasingly over Todhunter’s entrance. Todhunter moaned as he pushed himself back against Lister’s hand. “Please, Dave. Have a heart.”

“Yeah, I’ve got a heart.” Lister muttered as he snaked his hand between Todhunter’s open thighs and fondled his cock and balls. “I’ve got a heart-on for you.”

“I’ll forgive… oh god… That terrible joke if you… oh smegging hell, Dave. Just fuck me already.”

“I’m gettin’ to it,” Lister murmured as he kissed a line up Todhunter’s back. He wrapped one hand around the officer’s waist and pumped him slowly as he rubbed the head of his own prick against Todhunter’s reddened cheeks. Todhunter cried out in bliss as Lister grabbed onto his hips and slipped into him, bit by bit. Once he was in completely, Lister began to buck his hips harder, slamming into Todhunter over and over again. Todhunter’s moans and whimpers blended into a high keening sound as Lister pounded him. The tendons in Todhunter’s wrists pressed against his skin like ropes as he desperately gripped the desk.

“God, yes Dave! Oh god, _yes!”_ Todhunter squeezed his eyes shut and threw his head back as his orgasm began to race through him.

“Yeah, you like that, Frank? Oh yeah!” Lister quickened the timing of his thrusts and gasped as he felt Todhunter clamp down on him as he came. “Oh smeggin’ hell!” Lister grit his teeth and arched his back, sinking balls-deep into Todhunter as he emptied into him. Lister slumped against Todhunter and gasped into the sweaty skin of his back as the officer heaved beneath him. “Holy smeg, Frank.” Lister’s brain attempted to come up with a slightly more eloquent expression, but quickly resorted to repetition. “Holy smegging smeg.”

“My feelings exactly,” Todhunter groaned as Lister slipped out of him. He turned and caught Lister in an embrace. “God I love you, Dave.”

Lister pressed his face into Todhunter’s chest and wrapped his arms around him. The officer’s heavy breathing made him rise and fall with each exhalation. “Love you too.”

“God.” Todhunter shuddered as he held Lister closer. “Do you know you’re the best damn sex I’ve ever had?”

“Oh yeah? Even better than with good ol’ John and Thomas?”

“John and Thomas, who?”

Lister’s laugh turned into a grumble as the vid-screen caught his eye. “Ah, smeg. Jupiter’s in the lead! Smegging hell. I should've left me lucky jersey on.”

“Personally I prefer you like this.” Todhunter smiled as he ran his hands over Lister’s bare chest and arms.

“Easy there, Toddy. Give me a minute to catch me breath.” Lister grinned up at Todhunter before turning back to the game. “I can’t believe it. A three point lead and they went and blew it. And what’s that thing there?”

“Hmm? What thing?” Todhunter, who had been happily nuzzling Lister’s curls, looked up bemusedly.

“That little icon there on the vid-screen. Looks like an envelope.”

“Oh smeg.” The color drained from Todhunter’s face like a full beer at a keg party.

“Wha’? What’s wrong?”

“It’s a video message, and the timestamp says it arrived just a few minutes ago when we were… Oh smeg...” Todhunter’s hand shook as he unmuted the vid-screen and opened up the message. Captain Hollister flared to life on the screen. He was sitting at his desk and looking down at a clipboard.

“Hey Frank, I’m really sorry to have to call you at home on your day off but we’ve got a major…” Hollister looked up from his clipboard and froze, with his mouth gaping. “Frank, what are you… Are you not...” He leaned forward, scrunching his eyes into a squint before he shouted, “Is that Lister behind you? What are you…  _oh god!"_  Hollister suddenly put his hand up to shield his eyes as he scrabbled at his desk for his remote. “For Christ’s sake, Frank! If you’re going to do this kind of stuff, turn off your vid-screen or cover the damn camera up! Would you call me back please? We’ve got an emergency going on here!” Hollister muttered a curse under his breath and then the screen flipped back to the game.

Lister and Todhunter stood, their eyes wide as the zero-gee match filled the awkward silence with cheers and hoots. Todhunter sank to the couch with a groan and buried his head in his hands.

“Er…” Lister sat down next to him and rested a hand on his back. “So does that mean he saw... everything?”

Todhunter moaned into his hands as he nodded his head weakly. “Everything.”

“Ah… Well…” Lister paused for a moment as he thought. “At least we weren’t on the couch. He probably just saw your face.”

“What a comforting thought,” Todhunter’s voice was muffled as it escaped from between his fingers. “The captain saw me getting buggered by my boyfriend, but at least he only had a front row seat.” Lister bit back a giggle as Todhunter sat up with a start. “Oh but smeg, what the hell am I going on about? I need to call him back!” Todhunter reached for the remote.

“Hold up there, Mister First Officer.”

“What, Dave? He said it was an emergency, I can’t keep him waiting any longer.”

Lister put his hand over Todhunter’s and pushed the remote away from the vid-screen. “Trust me on this one, Frank. Before you call him back, at least get some pants on first.”


End file.
